I'm Settlin' Down

Its taken me 25 years to finally settle down. What I mean when I say settle down is to stop and enjoy the simple things in life that surround me. I was caught up in something bigger and better than what I had in my life. I was becoming consumed with a lifestyle that wasn't meant for me. Going out and making plans for the weekend..... Now my life is simple. I stay with people I love. I sit around my parents house with them and Slade. I give Slade and I's puppy a bath on a Friday night. I cook dinner and wash dishes. I rent movies and laugh until I cry. I sit with Slade in his shop at night and talk to him while he works. And best of all, I'm content and happy. Life isn't about having a long list of people that you call up when you want to go out.... It isn't about coming in at 6 AM.... It isn't about being so unhappy with yourself that you constantly have to search for something better. It's about laughing and drinking hot chocolate on a cold night, snuggling up with a puppy and trying to comfort him, decorating a Christmas tree with people who mean the most to you, eating good food till you feel sick, driving through the country on a sunny day, and most importantly, settlin' down with the one you love.......

Diamonds and Boot Straps

Recently, I was sitting at my parent's house talking with my Moma. I usually go over there on Mondays after she gets home from teaching. Its kinda like 'Our Time'. Anywho, I'm sitting there, and we're catching up on things in our lives.....We're fairly busy bees. She looked at me and made the comment that she could tell how happy I was. I grinned and asked her how she knew. Her reply? The diamonds that sprakle in my eyes when I smile were constantly in place, they never went away. ;)

I learned the hard way that you and ONLY YOU can make yourself happy. I searched for happiness when I was younger in many different ways. But in the end, it comes down to you. You have to decide to walk forward in life with a smile on your face. And that smile has to stay in place regardless of the turbulence surrounding you. Sometimes you have to pull up your boot straps and walk on.

So now that I've explained how the diamonds are in place constantly, I can explain how someone can add to your happiness. Someone has entered my life that makes me smile and giggle and laugh all the time. He is always making faces and  being a smart butt, but it works. The world is perfectly right and at ease when he's around. He lives life without regrets and doesn't let  much get him down. He's grateful for small things.....Like me buttering the biscuits when I get them out of the oven. OR remembering he needed milk for his morning cereal. LOL

No one can make you happy. No one. Plain and simple. But people can bring a smile to your face after a long day. They can tickle you till you are crying from all the laughter. And they can put diamonds in your eyes ALL THE TIME................................................

Both Sides of the Fence

I've had the opportunity to be on both sides of the fence in regards to money. I grew up not wanting for a single thing.... My Bob always made sure that our family was well provided for. If we said it, we got it. I later learned giving gifts its my Bob's way of showing he loves you and he cares for you. I do the same thing in life.... Give 'love gifts.' While I may have had everything a girl could dream of, I never once took it for granted. I had a job at 15 years old, and have had one since then. I attended college and graduated with a Bachelor of Science....I also received a ticket into the real world. Lemme tell you, it was NO FUN!!!!!!

As soon as I graduated, I starting earning money. Not fun money. Money for bills and insurance and groceries. And stuff I had never had to think about before. UHHHHHHHHH. headache. It was hard at first, trying to manage money and pay bills and worrying about if they were gonna cut off the power because the bill was paid on the last day. (No, they don't.) But I managed. I have never been one of those that walks around sticking her hand out for help. And still to this day, I'm too proud. I have very little. Much less than most in greenville in fact. But I make it alright. Its called HARD WORK and SPIT.

I've recently had some people come into my life that live on both sides of the fence. Some take handouts, don't want to do for themselves. Some are hardworking and work their fingers to the bone. I was raised on hardwork and earning a living. Might not be the best living, but its a living. I truly do not understand adults who do not work. My Bob works 3 jobs!!!!! Plus manages to keep his family happy, keeps his home nice and neat. My moma works 2 jobs! She sponsers many other things and does her own part in the family and home. My brother and I were raised to work, to provide for ourselves. And my parents expect it out of both of us.

I would much rather be with someone who worked till dusk and rose at dawn than a man who sat around all day pickin' at his gums. It tells a lot about a person, how hard they work, what they put into their jobs.

So I guess I'm sayin' I feel sorry for the poor souls who don't want to better themselves or the county because they'd rather not work and dirty their hands. I might not have it all at this point in life, but at least I can lay my head down on my pillow at night knowing I'm done an honest days work.....

Take a Walk

I'm beginning to learn the true meaning of friendship....Maybe a little late in the game, but better late than never I suppose. I'm a very organized person; I like things in neat little categories. So I think that's the best way to view friendships.

To start off with, you have your 'Fun Friends'. The ones that you call up at 11 o'clock at night and ask if they wanna go out or come over for some fun. You know you only communicate with them and vice versa when you're bored. Second category would be 'Disciplined Friends'. These friends are the ones that you could possibly call to go to dinner and then go out on the weekends with. They occassionally text or call to check on you....they know the surface things you want them to know. These friends don't want to look any further because they know they'll find things they might not want to deal with. Lastly, you have your 'Everything Friends'. These friends are the most important in life. They are the ones that call you everyday, they want to go to eat, go out. But they also want to know that you have someone to call at 2 AM when you find out your boyfriend has been cheating on you. She'll bring over your favorite candy, cry with you, help you get rid of him, and then still manage to get you up and ready for work. They are there though everything with you. They tell you when you've gained weight and when you look absolutely amazing. You fight and feelings get hurt, but you always forgive.

I've learned its important to have friends in all three categories, but the last one is the kicker. Its kinda like the glue in life... Those are the friends that hold you together when it seems like everything is falling apart. While they are the most important, they are also the hardest to find and keep. Everyone seems to be sincere and geniune in life, when in reality, very few are. Its survival mode to know that you can distinguish between the sincere people and the not. As for me, I'm beginning to see who really will be there when things get tough. And I must say, I've got some pretty good ones that I can count on.

Life is to be celebrated and lived to the upmost everyday. Its too short(I know all too well) to have people in your life that you can't count on. The friends that make you smile through tears....the friends that know your deepest secret and will keep it forever.....the friends that stay up for hours laughing with you.... So I guess this post is to say, life is just simply too short to not have a friend that can't take a walk in your shoes.......

White Walls and Black Crayons

When I was younger, much younger, my older brother handed me a black crayon and told me Moma said it was ok to color on the white walls in our bedroom. Well looking up to my brother, as I still do, I did what he said was alright. I colored all over the walls. And boy, lemme tell you, my butt was beat when my Bob saw my artwork. Nathaniel also told me if I tore apart the little green ARMY men and flushed them down the toilet, it would be ok. So I did just that.... I pulled little arms and legs off and flushed. Needless to say, I got beat again and the toilet still doesn't work properly to this day. Those are just two of many times that my brother told me to do things that were wrong. But what I learned from all of the times is something that is still the same, even years later.

You, and only you, have to take responsibly for YOUR actions. Yes, I was young and told that I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I'm the one that did it. I took my whoopin's, and I didn't tell on him.

Now, I'm all grown-up and living my life. I haven't colored on any walls in a while or flushed ARMY men down any toilets, but I'm still taking responsibly for me. Yeah I mess up and get some things wrong in life. But I will be the first one to stand up and admit when I'm wrong....and to say I'm sorry. My actions are my actions. And my consquences are my consquences. I learned early on to handle myself in a manner that would not bring embarrassment to myself or my family. I also learned no one in this world will care who you point your finger at, you're still the one tht did it.

I guess this post is about taking responsiblity for you. No matter how old or young you are, its your life.....

Steel.....

I was asked several years ago, when I was in college by a friend, what exactly a 'southern belle' was. Well I answered to the best of my ability, at the time. Little did I know, my answer would years later be on a blog.....

There are the obvious things about southern women. We like big hair, fried anything. We say 'suga' and darlin' like no one's business. We know to cross our ankles in important settings and to keep our nails painted. We choose fine china and sterling silver flatware when we get married. We mind our manners and say 'Bless your heart' instead of something cruel. We don't believe in fighting, its considered trashy. And we always want to please everyone. That's the answer I gave to my friend. And while all of those things are true to southern belles and women....We are much more. We are deeper and stronger than simply hair and nails. Now 4 years later, I am still discovering my full answer to that very question. Here are my thoughts on what we southern belles are all about.

First and foremost, a southern belle always tries to look her best. Not because we are trying to impress anyone, but because it shows we take pride in ourselves. Lipstick is a must-have in our vanity. And we know that perfume should be sprayed so that we linger after our bodies have left the room. We are taught at an early age, how to walk in high heels AND cowboy boots. We sometimes are considered vain and snobby. But the truth be told, we aren't.

That's enough about the physical attributes of a southern belle. The deeper portion of us comes in with our strength. We know people have a tendency to depend of females more so that males. So with that in mind, we gather up our strength everyday and move forward. We don't live in Scarlett O'Hara's time so we won't have any 'fainting spells.' A southern belle knows that she is supposed to let a man think he is in control....When in reality, she is the one that is pulling the strings to control things. Its a fine art, stepping into the shadows and allowing the man to have his say all the while keeping your finger on things. Hard work is a must. We believe in holding a job AND having a home, husband, and family. Having a home is more than just cooking dinner and cleaning the bathrooms. A home is somewhere comfortable that people always know they can enter without expectations. Yes, the home is clean and well-kept. Might not be furnished with the finest, but its clean. A southern belle is always to be considered a lady.... We always know when to leave, just ask the women from Fried Green Tomatoes.

But the greatest thing about a southern belle is our compassion and grace for others. We are able to bite our tongues and put aside our feelings and forgive those who have hurt us. We reach out to those in need, forgetting our own. Paying attention to the little things in life is what we are truly good at.

After all, the word before magnolias is steel.....

'The Dirt'

Over the past couple of months, people have been on a constant path to ask me if I'm happy. In one word, Clearly! It took me a long time to get back to the happy go lucky, smiley, full of laughter self. But I'm here, and I've been here for a while now. I suppose people ask because they appear to want to be concerned....I know otherwise. Living in a small town, like Greenville, means most people ask questions because they want to know 'the dirt'. So here's 'the dirt' on my happiness.

I lost essentially a little over two years of my life. Partly because I stopped living, and partly because of doctors. So I took a stand....I gained back my confidence, composure, and strength. I made decisions for ME! I made up my mind that since I had overcome so much, that I wasn't going to allow anything else in this world to ever stop me again. I was born independent and strong willed. Although I had lost many positive qualities about me over the course of my path, I gained them back in full swing. My Moma raised me to stand up for myself, to protect myself. To never quiet my thoughts or opinions. To always remember I had a voice to be heard. In my voice, I found strength again.

And just like that I began to laugh. Oh, I love laughing. The kind of laughing where you feel it deep in your bones, see it in your eyes, and hear it ringing out. Now I have many different laughs. I have small delicate giggles that I use to be polite. I have the typical laugh that lasts for a few seconds. BUT the real laugh is the one that is heard through walls and doors, when I stomp my foot and slap my knee, when I have tears falling down my cheeks, when I can't stop. That's the laugh that reminds me that I'm alive. That I'm a miracle.

I'm not saying that I wouldn't change certain things about my life.....Everyone would. I'm simply saying, I'm happy. Yes, I wish my legs were longer, my eyes bigger. I wish I had a Tahoe to drive, I wish I had a big sprawling home. But those are wishes, and whose to say maybe one day they won't come true.

 So in the meantime, I'll be happy and content with my little cottage, my TrailBlazer, my short legs, my dark dark tiny eyes. I'll be happy knowing that my Moma says I have diamonds in my eyes, they sparkle so much. I'll be happy knowing that I have a roof over my head and a car that drives. I'll be happy knowing that I have good people in my life that love me. I'll be happy knowing that when I laugh, my Bob says it makes HIM feel good inside. I'll be happy knowing that I can handle anything life throws at me. I'll be happy knowing someone JUST TODAY said I reminded them of my Grandmother, Robert Ellen Foster....That she was the most elegant lady they'd ever met, and I possessed the same qualities. And let me tell you, being told I am an elegant lady gives me plenty to smile and laugh about.....